I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
