oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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