Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's blow job season.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
