I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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