It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
