I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
