Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
