Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
