I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So much Jack, so little girl.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
