I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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