Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
