Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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