come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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