They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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