if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
