Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
