If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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