Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
COCAINE IS GR8
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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