He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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