You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
