i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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