I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
