It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
