im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
