the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
