I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
