Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
