No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize