I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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