i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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