im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
