What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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