I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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