did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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