woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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