just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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