Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
