Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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