So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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