We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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