I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
