I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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