i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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