Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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