do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
