The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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