he puts the penis in happiness.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
