i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
