I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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