Umm I'm too high to move.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
