you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
