I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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