How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
