I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
