Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
