just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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