Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
