I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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