remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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