: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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