I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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