Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
