I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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