you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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