I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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