meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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