you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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