You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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