I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
